What Next?

What Next ?

I was much calmer when my husband arrived at the hospital to pick us up. I didn't know how to tell him about the diagnosis. He had not read as much as I had about Autism and still held out the hope that Alyon was okay. "His eye contact is okay. He's just hyper."

Back home, in the privacy of my home, I broke the news to him. He found it so hard to accept. He suggested getting a second opinion. I just shook my head. I immediately contacted a Church friend who also had an ASD child and she passed me reading material and advice. She was a great help. I read as much as I could and everything became so clear now once I had accepted the diagnosis. It was a whole new world with a whole new vocabulary.
Sensory Integration, Triad of disorders, Theory of Mind . I had a lot to learn. I had to take action fast. I had to help my son. I read that the optimum period for Early Intervention was up till the age of 6. After that, the progress would be slow. Alyon was already 4. There was no time to lose.

Note to Parents

Parents,do not go into denial if you have received a diagnosis.
Seek a second opinion if you must but take action because you are the only one who can help your child. The faster, the better. Fathers, especially seem to find it harder to accept but Mums who are helping their child can help by explaining what action they are taking and how its going to help the child. 

Contrary to popular opinion, they do not "grow out of it". They do not "get better" with time. They only improve through intervention. Its so important that your child gets all the help he can. And it will make your life better too. I have seen parents go into denial and after that depression because their child "did not grow out of it" 

Looking Back - the Quest for Early Intervention Part 1

Looking Back - the Quest for Early Intervention

I had called up some of the recommended places and the results were disappointing. Speech therapists, Occupational Therapists, They all had waiting lists and all I could do was wait.

 One Special Needs School even told me that if my son was high functioning, he would be even further down the waiting list.
 " Because we have to take in the medium to low functioning ones first."
"By the way, Mrs. Yap, are you living in HDB or private property?"
"Why?" I asked.
"Because, we also need to give priority to lower income families. Sorry, but your son will be further down the waiting list. I suggest you go for private practice if you want help for him."

This was of course 2001, 15 years ago, I hear things are better now. More options, more Eipec programmes, more therapists around. But back then, it was a desert with sparse offerings.

I was on my knees praying every day. I had read that the optimum time for intervention was up to six years of age. Alyon was already 4, not able to speak and with all those behaviours.

Intervention - Of the Supernatural Kind

My husband and I decided to attend a Christian Evangelistic Meeting held at the National Stadium. A prominent evangelist who was famed for Healing would be there. At the end of the meeting, they called for people to come down from the stands for prayer. I carried Alyon, who was fast asleep.

 A lady from among the Ministry Team came forward and offered to pray for me. I told her about the recent ASD diagnosis. When she prayed for me and Alyon, I wept, because everything that she prayed just echoed what I needed. I was so amazed, how did she know ? I asked her later. She told me that she too, had an autistic son. I was blown away! Of all the people in the Ministry Team, God had arranged for a mother who understood my pain so well. It was a clear sign that God had not forgotten me. In fact, He knew everything about me and had sent help.

Two days later, the Speech Therapist called me and informed me that there was a space for Alyon.
A child had withdrawn due to migration. Then the Occupational Therapist called and informed me of a free slot for Alyon. I was on my knees again - thanking God. The dark clouds had lifted and there was Hope!

Looking back - The Desperation

Last Saturday 16 April 2016 was another Hope for the Journey (HOJ) meeting. Wei Ping was the Mum sharing her journey with her son. Her sharing really brought back a rush of memories

The kid from hell"

Her descriptions of her son really brought back the nightmare of those days. Alyon, my son was similar to hers in many ways. He was hyperactive, constantly running around, crashing his head on me, throwing tantrums for no apparent reason, bolting in public places and no speech. Add to that a restrictive diet, lining up items across the the hall, and refusing to wear almost every item of clothing bought and you have " the kid from hell."

Wei Ping apologized for using a phrase like that for her boy. But those of us who had similar experiences just nodded sympathetically. We would have said the same too. And some of us are just or still experiencing all that and more.

When Alyon was first diagnosed, I was at my wit's end. All I had was a list of Speech therapists, Occupational therapists and Special Schools given by a KK doctor who said she would see my son again in a year's time. I had never felt so helpless in my life. I would just look at him and cry. But I cried out to God too. "Jesus! Please help me! What do I do next!"